here is a post from December that i Never POSTED :(
2015
December 23, 2015
I really have been having a hard time this year getting
ready for Christmas, worse this year than last.
I have been reflecting back on the last year and a half, and so much has
changed. I miss Noelle like crazy, and
often have wondered what she would be doing RIGHT NOW…I guess I will always
carry this in my heart, and think about what she would be doing, versus what
she is doing. I love watching the kiddos
play and laugh, and I know that Noelle would be right in the action with
them..and that’s when it hits me the most….
I know she is so close, but it still isn’t where I want her
to be..i am human, I am selfish, I know she is SAFE and I know she protects our
family, but what I still wouldn’t give…..
The What If’s… they haunt me.
I have been thinking lately about the “remembering” once we
pass through the veil…does it all come back to you at once, or if it is a
perfect place, will we only remember perfect things? Will we remember the hurt, will we remember
the pain? I hope so much that she
doesn’t remember…but I do and I remember the pain that my heart bears
constantly..I do try so much to be happy, but it is hard. I am grateful for this family and how much
love I have learned from each one of them.
I know that when I do see Noelle again, I will RUN to her and HOLD her…I
will be bawling and she will be happy and laughing saying “Momma what’s wrong,
Please Stop Crying”. She will be
comforting me more than I ever could have comforted her. I love her so much and ache to be with her
again, but it is nice to see her family grow, and her friends grow. J
This will forever be my post of Noelle--Noelle is now 5 and
is such a good helper. She is constantly
cleaning up and doing more than her share of cleaning up after her little sister
and brother. She just graduated from Ms.
Connie’s preschool and is excited to start KINDERGARTEN in the fall. She can’t wait and talks about riding the
bus—little does she know that will hardly ever happen…as I am scared for her to
do those things… She still has problems brushing her hair…she will fight me
most mornings, but Allie bought the girls a pink brush and it is a miracleJ. Noelle is growing up and getting so pretty. She has some issues with self-esteem and says
sometimes “I don’t look pretty”. She has
fly-away hairs and “its messy”..I love her and she is such a sweet spirit.. I
get down on her sometimes b/c I know she is capable of so much more. I do need to be patient with her and let her
figure out stuff on her own time I need to remember that I love her so much,
and she looks up to me and loves me. She
is quick to tell me that she is sorry when she does something wrong. I can
already see that she has a tender heart and tries so hard to make all of us
happy. LOVE HER!!
12/23/2015
We just celebrated
Noelle’s birthday and it was a bittersweet one. We just had grandmas and
grandpas here to the house, and I made a cake, with PURPLE frosting, and Sloan
put on the sprinkles. J I miss her..i say
it constantly, but I do. It will be
something I carry with me for a long, long time L
Noelle is beautiful
and I know that she would be smart and have lots of friends..i think it would
take her a while to figure out herself, but I would love that about her. I think she would be messy but still listen
to me and have a good relationship that she would push the limits but know when
to stop J Love you in my
heart bug and I can only pray that we are doing what you would want us to
do…and that you are proud and happy to be with us forever!!
Sloan is still
going to Ms Connie’s and she is one of the OLDEST kids there. She is quite tall for her age and she will
graduate this spring (May) from Ms. Connie’s and go to Kindergarten in the
fall. In September she had her 1st
Primary Program..she did awesome and said her part and sang the songs……….i was
impressed with her willingness to learn her part so quickly..she did have it
memorized in 2 days… “We Believe In God the Eternal Father, and in His Son
Jesus Christ, and in The Holy Ghost”.
When it was her turn, she got nervous, but finished strong and moved
everybody with her BIG Crocodile tears.
She loves to get Pink Muffins for breakfast, and I love getting them for
her…I miss getting muffins with the girls…Noelle would get Blueberry and Sloan
would get a Strawberry Cheesecake J Sloan loves Primary and
Ms. Connies. She is excited to have a
pajama day today at school and then on January 2 they Primary is having a
pajama Saturday so all the kids can meet their new teachers for 2016. Sloan is such a good big sister, and it is
like I can ask her to do anything to help me out with her brothers and she just
does it…Sloan is such a light in my life..she
can be a good listener and she helps out more that any 4 yr old should have
too..she keeps me together..she loves her sister and talks about her
often. Sloan will do many wonderful
things in her life, but most important to me is how she has helped me…How she
will treat others along the way, even when she is having a hard time. She is constantly reminding us to have
family prayer and to read our scriptures.. she is a good person with a big
heart.
Rhett is now 23
months and RUNNING all over and AROUND and AROUND. He has learned to climb up on top of the
table, and he CONTINUALLY is flushing the toilets…this never happened with the
girls.. He loves baths and likes to splash.
He loves the water and loves to “help” water the trees and water the
lawn..he is always getting soaked but laughing “ha ha ha”. He loves to play on the phone and to play on the IPad..ok just
push the home button..:) We moved him downstairs about a four months ago, when
we moved Owen into a crib, and Rhett loves it down there…he loves the playroom
right next to his bedroom, he loves the toys, he could honestly play down there
by himself for hours….Rhett has been a good big brother and last week he even
went #2 in the toilet..He loves to run around with Sloan, and he can’t stop
kissing on his little brother. He loves
Nursery and often wont sit still during sacrament because he knows that he gets
to go down stairs after its over. J He Brings so much Happiness into our home..i feel like he is going to be a
joker a lot..he loves to laugh J I hope that he continues to watch
and learn from Sloan….he is finally folding his arms for meal prayers J I want him to be caring and love
those around him. I want him to be a
helper and an example to those around him…LOVE you RHETT Rhett!!
Owen Andrew..is almost 6 months..he loves
to coo and smile J He has
learned his hands and feet and they are usually in or close to his mouth
constantly.. he has found his tounge and likes to stick it out..its pretty
cute! He LOVES being held and he really
is a MOMMYs Boy. O is small in size, I
have been more to the dr with this baby than any other..we have had 8-9 visits
to the dr already..he is in the 6 percentile but we have been supplementing
some formula, so hopefully he can “bulk up” lol. Owen does ok on Tummy time and can do it
before freaking out for about 5 min..he is a crier though and has a good set of
lungs on him..He loves to watch Sloan and Rhett play and loves when sloan
teases him..she usually can get him to laugh within minutes of talking to
him. Rhett loves to give Baby O kisses J
He sleeps ok throughout the night, usually just waking up 2 times..He
loves the dog, and hates car drives. WE
ARE SO BLESSED TO HAVE HIM..I WOULDN’T CHANGE IT FOR THE WORLD…I AM GLAD THAT
HE IS HERE AND THAT JUST A FEW SHORT MONTHS AGO HE WAS UP IN HEAVEN WITH THOSE
THAT WE LOVE SO MUCH. I AM SURE NOELLE
held HIM FOR as LONG AS she Could before she let him come down to us…I feel so close
to her and him.. ;)
Best Moment this week:
I was able to go
to the temple with the Young Women on Saturday, before Noelles birthday on
Sunday. I was able to feel super close
to her that day and I am looking forward to a temple trip with drew soon. I felt so much peace and comfort at the Logan
Temple, and seeing everyone in white was amazing. J
It has snowed so
much in the past 36 hours, there is probably four new inches today alone…!!!
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