Easter 2015!

Easter is upon us...the time of year i love, yet the loss of Noelle has made me lose a little of what i love most.  Out at the Udy Ranch, they have been calving, and i haven't even made it out there..they are actually branding today--something i absolutely loved as a child.  I enjoyed getting up early on Saturdays and spending the day with my Dad, siblings, Uncles, Grandparents, and Cousins!!!  I know that these memories from my youth will stay with me forever and i am grateful for that...i always want to remember Spring and the Changing of Seasons...the warm sun on my face, the warm breeze blowing, the sounds, the smells..........

Maybe we will get dressed and head out!!!

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday!  I have been excited for this day for a while, but now that its here...i am feeling a few different emotions.  I know that this is normal, and it will be awhile before i am used to the "New Normal", but it still stinks....

I have not really wanted to go out to Drew's parents and see all the others kids running, and laughing and "finding the bags of candy" but it really is something that Noelle loved to do and i know that she will be close to us no matter what we do that day.  I feel like i have to "enjoy" doing those things for "show" and so that the BIL and SIL and their kids have a great day...but I don't really want too.  I do want to enjoy it for my "family--Sloan and Rhett" by i don't want to have to be happy all day for others that are around us.  

Sloan and Rhetters are getting a big backyard playhouse/swing set. :) 

Drew is getting it ready, but it will be a few days before it is all finished.  

I was just checking to see if i had on my computer or phone a picture of Noelle from last EASTER...i can see the picture so vividly, but i can't find it.  She is standing next to the RED pickup and she is wearing her new bright colored pants..they were bright pink, bright green--like neon, neon orange, and she had on her white sandals.  the pants ended up splitting out the crotch, and we had to sew them that day at Grandma Shawver's..

"Some days the memories still knock the wind out of me..."

WOW..will this every get easier...

hey...i was doing ok this am and now for the last 30 minutes i have been bawling...i just can't seem to stop.  I think about little things and they just bring me to tears. I was putting away a stupid cup and now i'm just beside myself.

I think about her everyday, and just some days are harder than others..I found all of the Easter eggs from last year, and i can remember playing "hot and cold game" just weeks, possibly days before she passed...WHY?!!???

I am dreading Easter weekend/Sunday and spending it with The Shawvers, don't get me wrong, it just that i don't know if i can be happy happy all day, while part of me is gone and will never return... :(

Yes part of me is so grateful for what we have and still have and what we will have again one day,...but that one day seems so far away!!!

I just miss her...

Drew and I have been getting along ok :) Normal for us..we laugh and cry together and often find ourselves being told to "quite fighting" a quote that Sloan learned from her Beautiful Older Sister :)--Love you NOELLE!!

We are not necessarily fighting but we can just be talking and Sloan will yell at us this quote.  I have found that She is amazing and continues to amaze me DAILY with her strength and Knowledge about Noelle, the Savior, the Plan of Salvation.. :) Even at Church, she has brought teachers and leaders to tears about who has seen Heavenly Father and we can all see him :)

Rhetts been a little sick over the past two-th

Noelle's song just came on the Pandora Account--Cher Lloyd--Want you Back

Rhett's been sick over the past 2-3 months, this time it isn't croupy.  Grandma Debbie thinks that it could be more related to allergies..we will have to see..as Sloan was my sickie and continues to deal with a runny nose and sneezing...Noelle was seldom sick, and when she was you could TELL.

Rhett has been signing more, but still gets grumpy and just wants to pound the table for more :)

Sloan has been helping out a little more, and is super protective of Rhett and always wants to be with him and taking care of him..let me give him his bottle...let me get his jammies ready, let me wash his hair....etc..

She has started going to Connie's 4 days a week, and this week they are having an Easter Egg hunt, and the older kids from Snake River are out on Spring Break, so today we got to see TESSA --Noelle's best Friend!!

The Kids are loving having a dog.  Lola has been pretty good and is really getting BIG!!  She was 45 pounds at her 4 month check up...i can imagine that she is somewhere around 60 lbs now..

She is outside most days, but there have been times, when Sloan pleads for her to be inside on COLD Days.. :)

miss Noelle...miss her

i started this over 4 months ago when i went riding along with Drew up to Challis..i really think that i should have wrote more, but really just getting into the blogger/journal thing has not really worked for me.  The picture above is a reminder that life has no slowed down, it is hard for me--some days are worse than others, but to see all the changes and growing up that other children are doing is heart-wrenching and heartwarming at the same time.  I am thankful for our NOELLE and the blessing and joy she was to us and others around her.  THE ladybug will always remind me of her and how quickly life changes...it really is not our plan, but HIS plan.  I hope and pray that I can be lead and guided through all of our trial/struggles. I am blessed beyond measure-- with my family here on earth, and am grateful for their support and love over the last 6 months...6 MONTHS and it feels like just yesterday and also LIKE FOREVER ago....

Sloan is growing up so much and loves to watch Netflix--one of Noelle's fav's--she has been on the Pirate Fairies kick :) She is such a big help with Rhett but refuses to listen to anything else i ask her to do..she never cleans her room, she gets into my makeup every other day, but if i ask her about Rhett she is always on it :)
She is going to Ms. Connie's 3 days a week and enjoys being around the other kids. :)  She is so smart, but very stubborn. :)  She helps me so much when i am emotional--and gives me lots of loves!!!

Rhett just had his 1 year check up...he is doing awesome!!! he is in or about in the 50% in height/weight/ and head circumference.  He is walking, and has 4 teeth on top and just is getting 2 more on bottom for a total of 8.  He is starting to sign a little, but he still just likes to slap the table for more. :)He was sick last week, and so was Sloan, but we are on the tail end of it...fingers crossed!! We used essential oils and they are helping so much. :)

Drew just got a job with the SITE and he starts on Feb 9th..it will be 4 on 4 off schedule and i just don't know what i am going to do with him being around so much!!!! The kids will love it!!! and so will I :)

WE got a DOG--LOLA :) she is a great dane and busy...she has been super good with Rhett.  Sloan is still warming up :)--it may take months...:)

We are expecting a baby in June/JULY..i go in on Feb 10th for the ultrasound and i invited Sloan to come along and "SEE" the baby! She is so excited!
That's about it for now...